I haven't posted here for a long time, but since Mir asked me to do this, here goes:
37 Extremely Important Questions You Must Answer Before Getting Married Or You’re Doomed
1. How far out of your way would you travel to bring me home a burrito?
As far as she wants me to, but the reasonable answer would be as far as I need to go to get the burrito she wants and be able to make it back to her before it's cold.
2. What is the maximum number of cats you’re comfortable with owning at one time?
Cats? One. One is enough. They're independent and finicky. Dogs, however, I would consider two. We currently have one cat and one dog.
3. Do you agree that our pets should not be allowed in the bedroom while we’re sleeping and/or sexing?
Ok when sleeping -- not so much during sexy time.
4. When we’re down to the last $12 for the week, will you buy apples or cheesecake?
Cigarettes, most likely.
5. What is your stance on Halloween couple costumes?
Meh -- we've done it, but Halloween is not my favorite holiday.
6. How far out of your way would you travel to bring me home a burrito if I’m having a really terrible day?
So, bad day or not, my answer is the same as the first time in question 1
7. Jenny Schecter: entertaining or irritating?
8. How many holidays per year are you prepared to spend with my grandmother in Florida?
Fuck Florida -- and luckily neither of us have any family there. Like Mir said in hers, there are probably abbreviated trips to Denver and the Bay Area in our future though for family time.
9. Are multiple appetizers an acceptable substitute for an entree?
I think we'd probably agree that it depends on the place -- this was Mir's answer, but I agree
10. If our future children refused to eat the meal we served them, how would you respond?
By dissecting them and selling their organs on the black market.
11. Will you expect me to text you as frequently once we’re married?
Machete don't text.
12. Who do you believe should control the music on road trips?
She's a little bit country, I'm a little bit rock n roll -- just kidding, we generally like a lot of the same stuff, so it'd be easy.
13. Blue and black, or white and gold?
I'm done with this line of questioning.
14. How many times per week/month can I do a solo and/or friend activity without inviting you?
Play it by ear, but generally a couple of times a week. Wait, or are we talking about masturbation?
15. What level of communication and/or friendship is acceptable with regard to our exes?
No restrictions from my end.
16. What time/day is the best time/day to go grocery shopping?
17. Are there any theme parks that you would absolutely never want to vacation to?
Uh, what's that Jesusland place in Kentucky? Yeah, that one.
18. Cram five days of clothes into carry-on, or pay $25 for checked luggage?
$25 for the checked bag -- unless our items are breakable.
19. What is your stance on reading each others’ texts and emails over each others’ shoulders?
I have nothing to hide, so she can look at whatever she wants.
20. What is the maximum amount of time that in-laws can stay under our roof?
Really not an issue we've ever had to deal with, but I like having the house to ourselves as much as possible.
21. Will you always expect me to be the one who carries cash in our marriage?
Cards mostly these days
22. Will you just finish the damn ice cream before buying and opening a new tub?
23. What are your precise expectations re: the level of gift-giving, surprising and romance on our wedding anniversary?
Romantic meal, a nice surprise -- you know, typical anniversary stuff -- who wrote these questions? A 10-year-old version of Captain Obvious?
24. Will you expect me to stop [bad habit] once we’re married?
Mir just answered "ha, ha." She knows what she did!
25. At what level does the gas tank need to be filled up?
26. How do you feel about me keeping items from past relationships, e.g. jewelry, photos?
I have several of these things -- so does she. Never has been even the slightest bit of an issue.
27. What is your stance on having a conversation while one of us is using the bathroom?
It's the only place where you have their complete attention!
28. Who is responsible for insect removal?
Me, only me ... she'll run far, far away.
29. What is your stance on engagement photos?
That I be standing.
30. Will you allow me to name our future cat after a Harry Potter reference?
No, never -- besides, we already mis-named one animal!
31. Are there any TV shows that I absolutely must not watch until you get home?
Cutthroat Kitchen, if there's a second season of Fargo. <<-------Mir's answers, but yes.
32. What level of social media exposure are you comfortable with?
Facebook, but we never use Twitter and while she uses Google Plus, it has never appealed to me
33. Does the cutlery get placed into the dishwasher handle up or handle down?
Mir is totally wrong on this -- she puts the pointy ends of (almost) everything pointing up. I have stabbed myself several times now.
34. How many hours early should you arrive at the airport prior to a domestic flight?
Isn't the standard now two hours? Why is this a marriage question?
35. Do you think it’s ok to buy the giant size mayonnaise container that will last forever and force you to put your entire hand inside the jar to get to the bottom of it six months from now? Or do you think it’s an all-around better plan to buy the very small container of mayonnaise that will run out in a very reasonable amount of time and won’t require you to be elbow-deep in mayonnaise?
It won't stop me from buying the super large one if the deal is right, but yeah, I hate sticking my hand in a jar of stuff.
36. If/when you wear an item of my clothing, how promptly will you launder it so that I can have it back?
Whenever it gets back to me -- I really only ask for laundry to be done if I need/want a specific item. The rest of the time, it gets done when we decide to do it.
37. When you need to order food for both of us, but I’m not available to tell you my preferences, what will you order?
Mushrooms and escargot. LOL -- see...cuz she hates both of those things enough to jump out of a window. But if I was being nice, then seafood. Something seafood-y.
Are we done? I don't mind taking surveys -- in fact, I like them. But this one seems about as disjointed as a scarecrow after a sumo match.
- Ok, just cuz Mir asked me to...